The biggest risk is not taking any risk....
Three weeks ago I resigned from a job that had been sucking the life out of me for some time. The financial security it offered initially was the carrot to stay but once my mental health started being affected by the continual demands of the job and lack of support, the anxiety and sleepless nights became my norm. It’s a terrible crossfire to be caught in, thinking you are one of the most capable people you know and to whom failure isn’t and option, whilst battling external circumstances and your inner critic in what seems like a hopeless situation.
Anxiety is so bloody sneaky. I appears when you are least prepared for it and its persistent. It affects your ability to focus, be rational and calm and you wander around in a semi heightened state. The voices in your head get louder and physically you start to battle with those headaches, quick trips to the loo, bouts of nausea and ghastly feelings in your stomach. I’m lucky, because whilst I have had a couple of major anxiety attacks over my life, I am not a regular sufferer, so for me it was the wake up call I needed to make the changes necessary to remain healthy and well.
In a time where unemployment is the highest it has ever been due to the Covid 19 pandemic , I took a leap of faith and decided to leave what was for me a toxic pit of financial security.
Sometimes when you have an entrepreneurial nature you take a leap of faith and think you will work the detail out along the way. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not, but I for one will never die wondering. A past acquaintance once said to me “fighter pilots don’t have rear vision mirrors”. I am a fighter pilot and the minute I handed the office keys over, a wave of relief washed over me and I made a promise to be kind to myself for a fortnight before kicking my own arse into touch and rebuilding the little admin business I used to run on my own account .
What a difference some down time makes when you are trying to heal and gain clarity. I am on fire again and yesterday I did something I have thought about for a long time but have never really backed myself enough to come right out and do it. Next month, I am off to Wellington to do a course in life coaching. What the hell for you might say? I say, “because I can”.
I’m excited to think that for a week next month I will be surrounded by optimism and positive vibes. Surrounded by people who are backing themselves to take a risk and try something new. I’m not doing it to get the piece of paper and accreditation that will come at the end of it because with or without that my friends and family will always get my ten cents worth regardless I expect. What I am doing it for is to fill my own bucket, a bucket that has been depleted for some time as I have spent many days fighting fires and faking it till, I make it.
The skills I learn will enhance any service I offer to my existing clients and I’m sure will improve my quality of life in many ways. I’m not sure I’m up for the life coaching business – I have no tolerance for dead beats and negative shits but I am assured that I will return with a clearer picture on something.
We are here for a good time, not a long time and so brace yourself for more perils of wisdom when I return next month!